Elderly Pearls of Wisdom

It’s true that grownups can be bossy 

This comes from living quite long

They think they know stuff even when they don’t

Nonetheless, here is some of my life advice

that I’m going to pass along anyway

If I were to start my life over 

The first thing I’d do: be friendlier to my parents

I spent too much time being moody and sullen 

I could have asked more questions 

I wish I’d more often said    …    “I love you”

My second really big mistake

Smoking when I went to college

After just one year, I started trying to quit

Then twenty more years of trying

So powerful, so vicious a habit 

I finally succeeded when my second-grade son 

    came home crying from school one day, 

        after learning that his father was done for 

One thing I am better at, I like all kinds of weather 

Steamy hot weather is like a warm bath

And freezing cold makes one’s blood run fast 

One time I complained about the rain to a forest ranger

“I love to camp in the rain,” the ranger said

“Camping is always good, rain or shine!”

We spend our whole lives either watching or doing 

Watching in my childhood, 

the movies, the comic books, the fourth-grade play

Doing — basketball, art projects, mowing the lawn

Watching is fun (and easier to do), but doing

is how we accomplish things 

and create great creations

Here is a tip that Deeny-Boy gave me:

For each hour of watching, 

do two hours of doing 

But don’t always follow others’ advice 

When I was nine my Uncle Kent told me

“Sleep on your stomach, not on your back”

“Your head is getting shaped like a duck”

So I slept on my stomach for seventy odd years

Now my head is flat on one side  

Being bored is a waste of time 

Things are not boring in and of themselves 

All things are interesting if you let them be

Being bored is our own personal feeling

that we choose to have 

when we’re nervous

or want to avoid getting involved

or think being bored looks cool  

Another good idea is to floss every day

Teeth are most valuable parts of ourselves

If treated right, they will last a lifetime or longer

(Also drink plenty of water) 

(Maybe six glasses a day)

(Preferably tap water from the faucet)

(If a plastic bottle, be sure to recycle)

It’s useful to carry three bandaids in one’s wallet

We all get cuts when we least expect them  

Or perhaps your friends will need a bandaid

They’ll be amazed to find that

you’re so well prepared

The hardest lesson for me to learn

(Still hard) 

Don’t be a scaredy-cat 

I was scared of summer camp, scared of wood shop 

Of going to seventh grade, even of getting a haircut

None of these dangers were real 

Sometimes we can be our own enemies

I could go on quite a bit longer

I have collected at least seventy years of ideas

Here are just a few more 

Keep a diary of your dreams 

Chat with people whose opinions are different from your own 

Read three books at the same time 

Remember to say thank you for things you appreciate

Leave a dime on the sidewalk for someone to find 

Don’t tell more than two lies a week 

Learn about trigonometry and dragonflies

(This will be helpful on Jeopardy)

Start a collection, maybe pennies or stones 

Turn off the lights when you leave the room 

Menominee River Creatures

Our crayfish dug homes in the river floor

They’d dart in their holes when we neared

Their sharp little claws were like lobsters

Nonetheless, it was humans they feared

Snapping turtles drifted by at dusk

Steve shot a huge buck with his bow

We towed it to shore with our green rowboat

Turtle murder, that made us feel low

The Great Blue Heron is a wading bird

She grows over four feet in height

And loves to eat fish and water bugs

So thrilling to see her in flight 

The otter had nests on the river bank

Steve captured a bunch with his trap

He sold their pelts for fifty cents each

To a down and out grungy old chap

Mallards are the most handsome duck of all

The male shows off his green head 

I went hunting for ducks with Dick Sawyer

But never took a shot, when all’s said 

Mudpuppies surely are the ugliest

And they live over twenty long years

They like to eat minnows and fish eggs

Near the top of my childhood river fears 

The loons lived together in the Channel

These are birds that can fly very fast 

They swim underwater to hunt for fish  

And head South when the summer is past 

The clams lay quietly near the shoreline 

We’d step on one when we’d go in 

For kicks we would pry their shells open 

An act which I now call a sin 

There were millions of minnows all summer

They swam in the shallow warm water

Life as a minnow was perilous

Being favorite snacks of the otter

We might see a seagull every now and then

Though Green Bay was three miles away

I worried the seagulls had gotten off course 

Though they never seemed to show much dismay

Water bugs swam near the river bank

They flitted about, here and there

There were hundreds of buglets in each big swarm

Every one of them heading nowhere 

Life In Our Neighborhood: A "Found" Poem (from NextDoorClifton.com)

Hello beautiful neighbors of mine!

Anyone need anything

I’m Available!

I need help in my garden.  Muscles!

Ms. Birkenleoux has been located…

Cliftonites are cool

Feeling worried 

Bad odor in the air

Loud booms

what happened on Kirby Ave? 

Did you mistakenly swipe my trash bin?

WHERE SHOULD I CALL IF I NEED THE POLICE? 

Anyone have a torque wrench?

Interest in cheap Russian/Ukrainian tutor

Looking to buy a $500 car

Piece of scrap wood? 

need to borrow a manual wheelchair

Looking for a Goat to Rent

Lost Kitty?

Still looking

Mr. Stripes

Sorry Sad Little Cat 

Dead orange and white kitty cat on the I74 exit to Colerain

Farewell to Good Cat Stan 1998-2017

The park was trashed!

drug deal on Edna Ave

gunshots

home burglarized in broad daylight

serial purse snatcher on/around Ludlow

Warning: man exposing himself in public

What type of tree is this?

Large bird

Let me ask you something

Help my mom please

Clifton neighbors are the best

Moving

Inner Walls

My inner walls are crumbling

I can feel them straining in the dark of night

Or at the movie house

when some fleeting image on the screen

sparks a latent memory

and it spurts right out

stabbing at my throat and chest

I utter an involuntary sigh

and my wife whispers

“What’s the matter?”

and I shake my head

pretending I didn’t hear  

There is a secret room

at the back of my brain

that I have used since infancy

to bury certain thoughts and feelings

Painful happenings

Embarrassments

Distressingly stupid acts

A lie I once told to a girl

How I nearly harmed my two-year-old

The time I nearly killed us all on the turnpike

Past moments of agony and regret 

Locked away, sealed off

But now in my penultimate years

my arteries are brittle

and this room has gotten so crowded

so packed with refuse

that the walls are starting to crack

or even burst wide open

At first I tried desperately 

to hold them together

But now I’ve come to realize

that maybe I should let the bad stuff out 

Poke at it, massage it 

Turn it this way and that

To accept the whole package

Warts, pustules, and all

Age Eighty

I never imagined I’d reach age eighty

though my grandfather did this and so did my dad

Implications of eighty are many and weighty

Most days I’m happy, the other days I’m sad

One thing that strikes me, I’d have to say

Eighty’s not as old as it used to be

I always though it meant loss and decay

But actually now I feel more and more free

There are things about eighty that most call scary

Like cancer and heart disease and terrible strokes

Also your ears and your nose get more hairy

And the wise guys make jokes about older folks

At eighty you’ve used up a lot of your life

Of course you could also say that of fifty

My life is now quieter, less filled with strife

Though one more decade would also be nifty

I think I’ll make ninety my next life goal

and walk at least ten thousand steps a day

A glass of red wine is the best for the soul

And poems help chase the demons away 

The Ant on the Patio

Eight a.m., coffee on the patio

I’d slogged my way through the Enquirer

Skipping most stories, so boring, empty

Sudoku, more enticing but

even it imploded at the end

Just then I noticed a solitary black ant

making his way round the table’s rim

Running for two or three inches

Stopping, looking here and there

Running some more 

His body language, clear signs of panic 

“He may have to do this forever,” I thought

This ant will never discover

that the table rim is round

Not a drop of water, not a speck of food

Nothing but barren gray metal

Will he run in a circle 

until he dies?

I caught my breath, gave a sigh

I felt sorrow for the ant

and also identified with his plight

My own table rim is larger

but every bit as circular

Fruitless, bereft of nutrition

I went to the kitchen, found a piece of cardboard

I would lure the ant onto it

Then lower him to the ground

I hurried back to the patio

Much to my astonishment

the ant was nowhere to be found

He’d left my table

for a better ant place

I felt a vicarious sense of triumph

If that ant could solve his predicament

There’s surely hope for the rest of us 

"What Is Marriage Really Like?"

“Grandpa,” they asked, as it got close to bedtime

“What is marriage really like?”  

I hemmed and hawed, my brain stuffed with weevils

Marriage can mean so many different things

An Argentine tango, a Chinese buffet  

In bad times, the chilblains or snarling pit bulls 

Suddenly it came to me, a Eureka moment

“Children,” I said, “marriage is like…a hike in the forest!”

And we all know what hiking in the forest is like 

Hikers set off with such rosy expectations

Eager to embrace nature in all its splendor

Fireflies mating, squirrels building their nests

The rat-a-tat-tat of a woodpecker

Even mysterious snarls from beyond the pine trees 

Deep in the forest hikers find their own secret space

Friends, parents, neighbors, far off in the distance 

They can laugh and sing, hug and kiss, do a silly dance

Or argue and scowl and scream and rant

But, as hikers, they have to create their routines

Which way to go, to the east or the west?

When one gets tired, the other slows down

And what to do when one strays from the path? 

Every minute in the forest, filled with give-and-take  

Hikers stick together on their way through the forest

Moving along at their two-person pace 

They are there to protect and support one another

Talking, watching, pointing, expressing their feelings

It’s sharing that makes their experiences memorable 

Hikes in the forest extend through the seasons

The best of times, a lush world, filled with plenty 

But leaves lose their luster, start trickling to the ground

Freezing ice sets in, the world is near dead 

If hikers stay patient, tiny buds pop open, the flora returns 

In time the forest’s wonders begin to wane

The trees, grass, and streams start to look the same 

As the long hike goes on, talk slows to a halt  

Hikers lapse into silence, immersed in private thoughts

Some portions of the forest make hiking exhausting 

Climbing steep hills, descending into ravines

The forest is challenging, even threatening at times 

Hikers struggle to make their way together 

But sometimes it’s too much and their journey ends

The last leg of the hike is sometimes the best 

Many miles traversed, the end now in sight

A time to reflect, to meditate

To appreciate the sights and sounds of the day 

Fish jumping in the pond, the bullfrogs croaking 

The Great Blue Heron flying overhead 

Memories to bring home to keep the hike alive 

So bedtime is here, that’s the end of my story 

Thanks to you, I’m now definitely clear on one thing 

Marriage is not an omelet, a chess game, a circus

Not a hailstorm, not even the tunnel of love 

Marriage, my chummies, is a hike in the forest!