My Personal Numerology

We had just one mother but she was a wonder 

Our two parents were creatures of the twenties

My dad, a jazz buff; my mom, a flapper

Three boys in our family

Steven, Peter, and myself

Steven and Peter had the most fun 

Baby Vicki arrived

And then there were four

Our parents showered her with affection 

Her older brothers, overcome by envy 

A total of five in Katja’s family

Her folks, Helen and Buck

Sister Ami, a social worker

Brother David, a marketing guy

And Katja, a Romance Language beauty

My family had six altogether 

Vic and Doris, Dave Steve Peter Vicki

We lived together on the riverbank

Rode our bikes two miles to school

Swam all day long in the summertime

And rough-housed with our Irish setters, Mike and Micki

I spent seven young years in grade school

One year at Boswell, then Washington, the rest 

I walked through snow and ice to Boswell School

Learned to spell words and add numbers in Grade One

These were humongous steps in my life 

Glee club in Grade Four, but I was forbidden to sing out loud

I was captain of the Safety Patrol in Grade Six

Which annoyed all the rest of the boys

Later, a graduate student for eight long years

Social Psychology at the U. of M. 

I finished my classes in three or four years

Flunked one prelim but passed the rest

My dissertation took forever

Identity change in sensitivity training groups

I took a faculty job before finishing up

Then almost got fired for taking too long

This was not the most relaxing time

Katja and I, nine wonderful pets 

Four rabbits, Thumper, Moonbeam and Sunbeam, Blazer

Thumper lived to a ripe old age but

Blazer escaped and Moonbeam and Sunbeam were killed by roaming dogs

We’ve had five dogs in our married life

Heather, our sweet Shepherd puppy, died a tragic death

Our poodle, Jacques, was hit by a lumber truck

Winston, our Bedlington, lived till deaf, blind and demented

And sheepdogs Mike and Duffy were our recent sweethearts

Here are ten things I’ve done at least ten times in the last ten months 

Brushed my teeth, made the coffee, and read the paper

Played Spider Solitaire on the computer

Worked out at the fitness center

Written a poem

Bought Gato Negro Malbec ($4.99) at Clifton Market 

Hiked the Badlands Trail at Miami Whitewater Forest

Had a 5-way at Skyline Chili 

Went to my line dancing class

Friday night movies at the Esquire 

Read Superman and watched Frasier at bedtime 

"Possible Side Effects": A Found Poem (from Rx handouts)

It seems like each month I ingest more pills

My doctor assures me they help solve life’s ills

But each drug arrives with a Side Effects list

I’ll tell you a few and you’ll soon get the gist 

Hearing loss, mania, ringing ears, heavy breathing

Joint pain, eye pain, chest pain, bone pain 

Coughing, itching, cold sweats, unusual bleeding

Upset stomach, belching, rapid weight gain 

Trouble moving, trouble swallowing, trouble sleeping, trouble talking 

Nightmares, nose bleeds, hallucinations, amnesia

Diarrhea, clumsiness, problems in walking

Angiderma, xerostomia, tachycardia, asthenia

Tingling feet, numb feet, prickly feet, trembling feet 

Swollen glands, dizziness, skin irritation

Fast breathing, tarry stools, puffy eyelids, slow heartbeat 

Indigestion, constipation, painful urination  

Runny nose, suicide attempts, shivering, sneezing 

Slurred speech, seizures, aggressive acts

Bleeding gums, liver damage, vomiting, wheezing

Dermititis, yellow eyes, panic attacks 

Flatulence, bleeding gums, dark-colored urine

Fever, convulsions, sadness, bad breath 

Dry skin, scaly skin, yellow skin, blue skin 

Acute renal failure, loss of consciousness, death

Most of these side effects aren’t so bad

The most inconvenient, I would guess, is death

But even death keeps your blood pressure low

The worst fate of all: having bad breath 

Deathly Musings

I happened upon death at the age of four

Lying flat on our lawn, a dead crow

My cousin said I’d be dead one day

That’s more than I wanted to know

Then I was eight and in the third grade

Mr. Perkins, our crossing guard, died

We stared at his corpse at the funeral home

Couldn’t rouse him as hard as we tried

I asked my father, “What happens when we die?”

He said that we don’t know for sure

Skipper explained you get eaten by worms

And then you turn into manure

Frankie said no, you fly up to Heaven

Dead relatives are waiting to greet you

That might be good, it might be bad

I had uncles and aunts who’d mistreat you

I don’t believe much in an afterlife

We’re like frogs, we just die and that’s that

My mother always hoped that we’d be together

Not just us but her dogs and her cat

I’m sure that death’s not like a party

And definitely not a trip to Cancun

It’s probably more like an empty black hole

Or an unending Philip Glass tune

Death does get more worrisome the older I get

Some days it seems right around the corner

My funeral is actually what bothers me most

So embarrassing if I don’t have a mourner

And it’s not even death by itself that’s so bad

It’s the dying that is the real bummer

Sometimes it’s quick and sometimes it’s slow

It’s best not to take the whole summer

Death’s a no-brainer for those who are dead

It’s more troubling for those left behind

Once in a while it’s a pleasant event

It depends upon one’s state of mind

In truth, there are quite a few perks to one’s death

You are done with the shots and the pills

No chance you’ll get stuck in a traffic jam

And Visa stops sending its bills

Much more could be said about death

Like pestilence or nuclear war

But I think I will look on the bright side

Make a list of life’s wonders galore

Blood Quest: A Rondeau

Darkness descends, the dawn of night

Translucent forms in pale moonlight

A deathly howl cuts through the air   

And draws a gasp from lady fair

      Who knows not yet her mortal plight  

A black-caped figure, poised to bite

He holds his breath, his eyes closed tight 

His head leans toward her throat so bare

      Darkness descends 

The Count performs his ancient rite

The maiden moans, her breath so slight

The vampire strokes her lush blond hair 

Then bows his head as if in prayer

The victim’s skin, now deathly white

      Darkness descends