I’ll tell you of a ghastly experience
It came as a hair-raising shock
Like marooned in the wastes of Antartica
Or entombed by a large granite rock
I asked Dr Z about ear wax
He peered in my ears, left and right
“Yep, you’ve got plenty of wax,” he said
His nurse would take care of the blight
The nurse squeezed hot liquid in each of my ears
Then she switched on her vacuum device
Whoosh, the wax popped from my left ear
But my right ear she had to do twice
I didn’t hear well as I drove the car home
My left ear, I’d say, was okay
But then I discovered, my right ear — stone deaf
Mere words can’t describe my dismay
I worried the wax had simply gone deeper
The surgeon might slice through my head
Perhaps my eardrum was suctioned out
That part of my brain was now dead
I called the office in dire panic
“Try peroxide in your ear,” said the doc
“If it’s not any better by Friday
“Come back in at eleven o’clock”
My wife took the job as my medical aide
Each morning she filled up my ear
I still couldn’t hear a word of NPR
I returned to the doc, full of fear
The nurse said she thought that my wax now looked softer
She swished and she swushed and a big chunk came out
My ear, my life, was miraculously saved
So pleasing to hear myself shout
The eeriest feeling is being stone deaf
Even if it’s only one ear
I’d lost all connection with the world’s right side
Many things on my right I hold dear
