Saturday, June 29, 2019

Landline Blues

I can remember those days long gone
When our phones were actually a treat 
We would talk with our sweethearts and mothers 
Call Wimpy’s for something to eat 

Our landlines are now like swarms of mosquitoes
High noon they’re all over the place
I swat one pest and twelve more fly in 
Total disdain for our space

These phones calls remind me of Mongol hordes  
Charging their steeds through the village  
Snatching up my wife and myself
Seeking out victims to pillage

Our phones are as bad as a plague of locusts
Gobbling up all that’s in sight  
Their noise drowns out all the real sounds
And turns our house into a blight 

My similes — forgive me — I’m out of control 
Locusts and Mongols, it can’t be that bad 
Though what’s more annoying than robocalls?
I call-blocked my mother, so sad 



Friday, June 21, 2019

Circa 1949: An Anaphoric Poem

I remember icicles that stretched from the roof to the ground
I remember pulling bloodsuckers from between our toes after swimming
I remember lugging my red wagon to the city dump with my dad to bring home good stuff
I remember capturing garter snakes from under the rocks in my mother’s garden
I remember swimming across the river with my dad following in the rowboat
I remember listening in on the neighbors on our party-line phone
I remember a flock of pheasants parading through our front yard
I remember stealing carrots and blackberries from Mrs. Mead’s garden
I remember when our road turned to mud in the spring and we couldn’t go to school
I remember climbing with my siblings to the top of the willow tree
I remember being scared of quicksand when we walked in waist-deep water to Mr. Shaver’s
I remember slashing my thumb with a hatchet on a Pig Island camping trip
I remember biking to the Ideal Dairy to buy lemon flake ice cream, two dips for a nickel
I remember the six-foot pine snakes that sunned in our front yard
I remember when our Irish Setter Mike fell through the ice and my mother rescued him
I remember poking sticks into an anthill and watching the ants go crazy
I remember my eating mother’s whitefish, pot roast, and potato sausage
I remember counting “I love you, I love you not” with the petals of a Black-Eyed Susan
I remember running barefoot races in the snow
I remember my dad towing us behind the car on our toboggan
I remember listening to Jack Benny and Duffy’s Tavern on Sunday night radio
I remember emptying dead bodies from the mousetraps
I remember when they opened the dams and drained all the water out of the river
I remember finding lost change under the sofa cushions (which my dad had
deliberately put there)
I remember when I threw acorns at my brother and he fell out of the oak tree
I remember singing “Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall” at the outdoor fireplace
I remember my parents and their friends drinking Silver Cream beer
I remember when we killed the flying bat in our living room with a cast iron frying pan
I remember loving Captain Marvel comic books
I remember when the ice went out on “Chinese Bells Day”
I remember my uncle Karl urging me to dig up the “Indian burial mound” in our
back yard
I remember when Steve and I spilled red airplane dope on our brand new carpet
I remember being scared of the ghosts while riding my bike past the cemetery at night
I remember blowing milkweed seeds into the wind
I remember when Steve shot the snapping turtle with our bow and arrow
I remember my mother telling me I wasn’t perfect
I remember our dog swimming behind the boat when we traveled half a mile for a family 
picnic on Indian Island
I remember when we saw a mud puppy through the ice on the river’s floor
I remember collecting nightcrawlers for fishing on the cemetery lawn after a heavy rain
I remember when our dog Mike got porcupine quills stuck in his nose
I remember when Steve and I lit the hoop with a desk lamp so we could
play basketball at night on the frozen driveway
I remember when we shot at tin cans and bottles in the river with the twenty-two
I remember everything about being twelve years old



Friday, June 14, 2019

Knotty Questions

“How old are you, Grandpa?” Leo asked
I paused for a moment
“Eighty-two next month” 
The children gazed at me with wonder 
“How do you get to be that old?” Vida asked
“Think pure thoughts,” I said
“And work hard — don’t let yourself be lazy”

We had just finished breakfast
Pancakes, bacon, maple syrup
Their parents had driven off to work 
My first all-day test as a sitter 
“How old do you think is old?” I asked
“Twenty-five,” Vida suggested
“No, thirty,” Leo argued
I agreed, “Thirty sounds good”
“Thirty, maybe even more”

We were sitting on the carpet
playing with the children’s toy cars
I had the yellow car
The children green and purple
Here I am, I thought to myself
Nearing the last stages of my life
While the children have
most of theirs left 

“”Vroom vroom vroom,” I roared
pushing my race car from side to side
“Vroom vroom vroom,” the children repeated
chasing one another toward the piano bench
There are many things we can learn from each other
Grandparents, grandchildren
Such different places, eons apart
I know a few things about growing older
But the children have much more to teach 
about the secrets of being young  



Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Jeopardy Fever

Jeopardy fever gripped the viewers
The winner, James Holzhauer, thirty-two weeks 
Almost two point five million point dollars
Said Alex Trebek: “Never seen such techniques” 

James, a sports gambler who lives in Las Vegas 
Skipped his college classes to play online poker
Forget history books, he reads children’s readers
A quirky persona, the smirk of a joker

Week thirty-three, James faced Emma Boettcher
A Chicago librarian, a Jeopardy buff
James took the early lead; Emma doubled her bet
Neck and neck, which warrior would wind up most tough?

No one imagined she’d beat James’s bid 
But Holy Moly, you Boettcher life she did!