Crescent Beach

We check in at two, head straight for the beach 

At the top of the dune a new world bursts into view

White sand for miles, like a blanket of snow 

Facing us from the west, the vast expanse of the Gulf of Mexico

Blue-black in the distance, lighter shades in the middle  

Then pale green as it arrives near the shore 

Rhythmic sounds of waves and beach colliding 

The horizon, a perfectly straight line from north to south

Separating/connecting the sea and the sky

Sunshine, gentle breezes, bathers enveloped in warmth 

The beach is dotted with bright blue umbrellas

A long-legged bird prowls the water’s edge 

Locked inside seashells, ancient crabs dig burrows in the sand 

Two pelicans pass overhead, oblivious to the intruders below

But pushy seagulls scavenge for humans’ cast-off crumbs 

Waist-deep in the ocean, fishermen patiently hunt for unseen prey

I step into the water, a chill greets my ankles

Slowly, gingerly, I gradually reach waist deep 

Icy needles jabbing at my skin

Finally I grit my teeth, plunge into the oncoming whitecap 

Brrrr, such body-shock… 

I wave my arms, bounce up and down

But then, like a miracle, the water warms to my skin 

Eventually I succumb to the waves, letting them carry me back to the shore 

Katja is napping in her beach chair

Her cheeks already turning reddish-pink 

Tiny sails in the distance, kite-surfers flitting across the waves

Bicyclists and joggers use the hard sand as a roadway

Inside a giant sand castle, a small boy adds still one more turret 

A young couple throw a baseball, two girls gather shells 

I read a few chapters, solve one Sudoku puzzle, fail on a second

So warm and peaceful, I drift off too 

Dreaming of younger days on the beach in Wildwood

We break for supper, return at eight

The sun, just halfway through its twilight extravaganza 

Wispy clouds, brilliant yellows, oranges, and reds, a lavender backdrop 

A crowd has assembled at the water’s edge

All facing west, enamored of the show 

The huge red ball touches the horizon, then slowly disappears into the sea

Curtains drawn, the audience departs, the beach goes to sleep

The ocean shore — a world we rarely experience

So opposite from our mundane Midwestern environment 

And we, in these alien surroundings, are turned into different beings

Better, happier beings, more together, more in tune 

Will we hold onto those blissful moments? 

The Royal Wedding

We’ve watched every Super Bowl since Vince Lombardi 

The finals at Wimbledon, the French, the U.S. Open

Other galas too: the Oscars, the Tonys, the Kentucky Derby

Even Miss America till Bert Parks retired 

But nothing comes as close in elegance and grandeur as (you know it) 

The Royal Wedding! 

Arguably the number one extravaganza on Earth 

Even our closest friends don’t suspect  

But my wife, we believe, has a touch of royal blood

A mere teenager when her family traveled through Canada 

Numerous strangers approached her on the street

“You look exactly like our beloved Queen,” they’d say

Elizabeth was in her mid-twenties at the time

My wife, a fourth cousin?  A long-lost half sister? 

We’ve always included the royals in our family

Princess Di, practically a sister-in-law  

We see every movie by Helen and Kate

Binge-watched “The Crown” on Netflix

Are glued to the BBC at Buckingham Palace 

But the Royal Wedding, that’s another story 

Few things in life get more real  

The media, of course, a feeding frenzy

Pre-wedding festivities from dawn to dusk 

Then the wedding day itself, Four a.m. till Eleven

I DVR’d the entire lineup 

NBC, CBS, ABC, FOX, E!, PBS, LIFE, HBO, CNN

Weeks of viewing pleasure for my spouse  

Mid-summer, it will take, to absorb it all  

No alarm needed, we woke up at six 

Prince Harry, Prince William, ambling into the chapel

Fine military regalia, Harry’s neatly trimmed beard

Then Megan Markle in her Hollywood splendor

Tiara, white gown, a forty foot train

A bevy of flower girls, tousle-haired page boys

Prince Charles himself walks the bride down the aisle  

There among the onlookers, Oprah, George C., and Elton John 

And, of course, the Queen herself, looking stately in chartreuse 

Sweet glances, quiet laughter, Harry’s slight signs of nerves

The gospel choir singing, “Stand by me”

My wife sheds a tear at the holy vows

A kiss on the steps, the carriage ride, the adoring crowd

Seventy-five thousand strong

Red-uniformed cavalry, twenty-six noble stallions 

Suddenly it’s over, this fairy-tale wedding 

The end of royal marriages for two or three decades 

We’ll probably be a hundred two by then 

But Prince Philip looked surprisingly fit at ninety-six

That leaves royal hope for the rest of us 

Touring the Hereafter

Our Triple-A branch, I was thrilled to learn,

Now takes tourists to Heaven and Hell

Since any day now I’ll be ashes in an urn

I thought I’d see which rings my bell

Heaven, top to bottom, is a pristine place

Cozy cottages with white picket fences

All wear long gowns that are trimmed in white lace

Best of all, they are charged no expenses

The first day in Heaven one is given a harp

Lawrence Welk composed all of the tunes

Cous-cous and kale at six o’clock sharp

For breakfast, poached eggs and dried prunes 

All the radios in Heaven play NPR

People meditate and then do Tai Chi

Heavenly melodies float from afar

Tiny toddlers might sit on your knee  

Finished with my tour, Hell became my next stop  

The dwellings, not so fancy, I’d say

People gobble Big Macs, drink sugary pop

Then torture newcomers all day

The residents of Hell play poker all night

And do other stuff we’d call risky

They write poems with metaphors totally trite

While besot with too much Irish whiskey

           

All the TVs in Hell are set to play porn

Strangers dance the quickstep while nude 

I never saw anyone looking forlorn

One can’t be forlorn when they’re lewd

I’m having some difficulty making up my mind

Of course Heaven is seamlessly nice 

But Hell, I found out, is unfairly maligned

It’s so sad to pass by such fine vice 

Weird Gender Images: A Found Poem from TVGuide.com

We wish we could watch every show on TV 

But there are at least a zillion to be covered

I checked TV Guide to help plan our choices

Here are some of the plots I discovered 

Emily becomes an Internet star

Sarah decides to take some private time 

Renee talks Bree into going to a pickup bar 

Jane is ready to pursue writing full-time 

Barry joins the high school football team 

Josh turns mad scientist for his biker gang sale

 Kyle disappears after destroying Amanda’s dream

Hank’s erratic behavior puts him in jail  

Ella searches for the right hairdo 

Margie scrambles to find child care 

Zoey learns she may have a little more growing to do 

Sammy Jo is ready to wash Jeff out of her hair  

Dirt on Piscatelli comes to light

The cops close in on Art and Bill 

Antoine McKenzie is brazenly shot in broad daylight 

Boss Hogg schemes to destroy his late uncle’s will 

Rebecca tries to reconnect with Jack 

Peggy suffers from a migraine

Mona helps Hanna get her fashion career back on track 

Rikki spots Sophie kissing Zane 

Spencer invents a machine to feed his fish

Stroheim returns as a cyborg and wages war

Murtaugh walks on thin ice with Trish  

Ralph decides he doesn’t want to be a hero anymore

Pam puts on a lunchtime fashion show 

Megan hosts a Sip-and-See for baby Fay 

Holly lands her dream job in San Antonio

Jazz gets an unexpected gift on her 17th birthday

Eli finds farming more than it’s cracked up to be 

Jacques Renault is found dead 

A cross-dressing professor goes on a killing spree 

Two gunmen shoot William Davis in the head 

TV, as we see, is all about gender

The males seek violence and power

Women pursue close relationships 

When together, the couples just glower

All this brainwashing, who the sexes are

Or, supposedly, who they should be

Mostly they choose the male as the star

A minor glitch — it’s complete fantasy