LEMON FLAKE

 

If I were to live my life over 

And could choose just five things to repeat 

My very first choice would be Lemon Flake 

Since age ten it’s my number one treat 

They made Lemon Flake at the Ideal Dairy 

They charged just two dips for a nickel 

All of their flavors were scrumptious 

Pineapple and Peach, not to mention Butter Brickle 

 On Sundays my dad brought us to the Ideal 

 Just up the road on Route Five-Seventy-Seven 

 He let us order all the dips that we wanted 

 For kids this was better than Heaven 

 Lemon Flake, of course, was always my choice 

 So creamy and tangy and rich 

 I’d drool at the very thought of it 

 One lick, my nose started to itch 

I’d stop after school, buy a six dip cone 

Ride home on my bike with one hand 

Six dips would last the entire mile 

Who could imagine anything more grand? 

The Ideal shut down after I moved away 

I’ve searched for Lemon Flake every year 

Not in Chicago, New York, or Green Bay 

Gone forever is my doleful fear 

THE END

 

A woman’s voice, barely a whisper, 

“Time to close him down.” 

A still softer voice grunts assent. 

Then a loud screeching sound

like a rusty metal door 

scraping across coarse paving stones, 

fading into an empty black void, 

no sound, no touch, no sensation, 

until a brightly lit portal opens

and my comatose body is being 

propelled through space, 

a kaleidoscope of brilliant colors 

flashing on every side. 

Suddenly a burst of dazzling white rays, 

and a second portal opens, 

giving way to a gentle meadow, 

golden flowers swaying in the breeze, 

hummingbirds and butterflies. 

A familiar voice calls out, 

"We’ve been waiting.” 

My father is alive, 

a young and handsome man, 

my mother standing with him, 

so beautiful. 

The three of us embrace, 

I never dared to dream 

that I could be whole again.

The Slap

 

Chris Rock is a sharp-witted fellow 

but some think he crossed the line 

when he ad-libbed his joke at the Oscars 

about Jada Pinkett-Smith’s closely shaven head. 

“Jada, I love you, ‘G.I Jane 2,’ can’t wait to see it.” 

Jada’s husband Will Smith laughed for a second 

but then his inner demons took over and 

he left his chair and strode to the stage 

and smacked Chris Rock in the face. 

“Keep my wife’s name out of your fucking mouth!” 

“Keep my wife’s name out of your fucking mouth!” 

The audience gasped. Was this staged? 

ABC televised the slap but bleeped the coarse words 

and promptly cut to a commercial break. 

Denzel Washington rushed to Will Smith’s aid 

and officials asked Will to leave the room 

but he wouldn’t move from his chair. 

Forty minutes later he was back on stage 

to receive the Best Actor award 

for his portrayal of Richard Williams,  

Venus and Serena’s volatile dad. 

The Hollywood audience 

burst into a standing ovation. 

In a sobbing, rambling speech 

Will Smith apologized to the Academy 

and to his fellow nominees, 

likening himself to Richard Williams, 

 “a fierce defender of his family.” 

Meanwhile Jane Campion won for Best Director 

and Coda was deemed the Best Picture, 

but six months from now 

all we’ll remember of the 2022 Oscars 

is Will Smith slapping Chris Rock.

SUPER BOWL FIFTY-SIX

 

2022 was our Bengal’s year 

Our return from decades of despair 

Who would have guessed the Super Bowl? 

The thought of it, too much to bear 

The Bengals won the toss and deferred 

Stafford sacked, the Rams had to punt 

Then Burrow’s pass was deflected 

The Rams were back in the hunt 

Stafford to Beckham, the first touchdown 

Then McPherson kicked a Bengals' field goal 

But the Rams marched back down the field 

Touchdown two put them back in control 

The Bengals soon came storming back 

Joe Mixon passed for a trick play 

Tee Higgins caught the ball for a touchdown 

The Rams, 13-10, on the day 

Quarter three, Tee Higgins scored a touchdown 

Even though he grabbed Ramsey’s facemask 

Then the Bengals intercepted Stafford 

Kicker Evan McPherson, up to the task

Fourth quarter, the ball went back and forth 

The Rams finally scored on a one-yard pass 

The Bengal got the ball with one twenty-five left 

But Joe Burrow’s team ran out of gas 

The final score, twenty-three to twenty 

 It easily could have gone the other way 

But our Bengals had a fantastic season 

And we think it a truly great day

NEWS OF THE DAY

 

The president’s numbers are low 

The midterm forecast, pure woe 

The voters are bitter

Mass outrage on Twitter 

The Dems better raise lots of dough 

The Omicron variant is here 

The scariest time of the year 

It spreads like wildfire 

Oldies’ outlooks are dire 

Once again locked away by our fear 

The committee’s investigating the Jan. 6 attack 

We, the public, await their feedback 

Team Trump won’t comply 

Obeying orders from on high 

Even so the committee’s on track 

"Legitimate political discourse” 

That’s the violent insurrection, of course 

The RNC is insane 

Echoing Trump’s false refrain 

When even Mitch McConnell has changed course 

Twitter cancelled Rep. Taylor Greene 

For lying about the vaccine 

Marjorie didn’t blink 

She relishes a stink 

And has endless other ways to be obscene 

Novak Djokovic is under the gun 

He’s put off seeking number twenty-one 

Novak fears the vaccine 

Imagines side effects unseen 

So this year's Grand Slams may be done 

The U. of M. Prez lost his job 

Because of his secret heartthrob 

Emails eking affection 

Hints of carnal predilection 

So Schlissel went out with a sob 

And CNN’S Jeff Zucker resigned 

His love interest put left him in a bind 

Though both were divorced 

Disclosure rules were enforced 

So now Jeff is badly maligned 

The Queen gave the Duchess her blessing

“I’m Queen Consort,” said Camilla, effervescing 

Prince Charles, so glad 

Though Prince Harry is mad 

The monarchy needs this, I’m guessing

TOP CINCY NEWS STORIES OF 2021

 

The cicadas came out in mid-May 

 Several billion to locals’ dismay 

 Their songs made a roar 

 Like a Beelzebub snore 

 Then we watched their small corpses decay 

 December twelve, our first Omicron case 

 Now it’s spreading at tsunami pace 

The hospitals are packed 

Rampant illness, a fact 

 Please please keep a mask on your face 

 Mason deemed itself a sanctuary city 

“No abortions” became their new ditty 

 But there’s no clinic there 

 So their claim was hot air 

 Then they voted out the pro-life committee 

 Our West Chester rep made the news 

 She broadcast Doc Truepenny’s views 

 This vaccine, the doc said, 

 Magnetizes your head 

 And causes your eyeballs to ooze 

 The old winning Bengals have returned 

 The Steelers, the Ravens, we burned 

 Our offense is quick 

 Our defense, like a brick 

 The North div first place our team earned 

 Mayor Cranley threw his hat in the race 

 Buckeye governor, he’s pleading his case

Legal weed is his pitch 

 It will make cronies rich 

 Cranley counts on a pot-smoking base 

 Aftab Pureval won the election 

 The new mayor, he’s the Democrats’ selection 

 Aftab thumped David Mann 

With his neighborhood plan 

 The Queen City has a fresh new direction 

 Chad Johnson left a thousand dollar tip 

After eating a yummy French Dip 

 He was at Redlands Grill 

Servers rave about it still 

 I hope they all went on a trip 

 Dusty Rhodes tweeted anti-trans trash 

“Fuck off,” tweeted Seelbach, so brash 

Dusty dropped from the race 

Seelbach made a wry face 

And that was the end of the clash 

 The Bearcats made the playoffs this year 

 In Clifton we’ve had much to cheer 

 But ‘Bama was too mighty 

 And our offense proved flighty 

 So we fans are now sobbing in our beer

THANKS

Thanks to my mother and father

    who raised us all to have good lives

Thanks to my siblings 

     best playmates and friends 

 Thanks to my teachers over 22 years 

     Miss Herscheid and Miss Guimond 

     Mr. Taylor, Mr. Eidt, and Mr. Biller 

     Dr. Eng, Dr. Filler, and Dr. Jerome

     Dr. Miller, Dr. Swanson, and Dr. Newcomb 

         who kept my brain buzzing 

 Thanks to Antioch College 

     which taught me I was a beatnik 

     but shaped my life direction nonetheless 

 Thanks to the University of Cincinnati 

     which gave us shelter, resources, and life tasks 

 Thanks to Justin and Kiersta 

     for special times, fun, and pride 

 Thanks to our grandkids Alex and Leo

     our hope for the future 

Thanks to our many friends over the years 

     who fill our bank with good memories 

Thanks to Dr. Cleves and Dr. Rabkin 

     who keep us kicking and plugging along 

 Thanks to all our family dogs over the years 

     for their unconditional love 

 Thanks to OLLI poetry teachers 

     who have kept me busy in retired life 

 Thanks to Katja for 

     marrying me 

     giving birth to our son 

     buying me motorcycles

     buying us dogs 

     making salisbury steak 

     taking me to the opera