The cicadas came out in mid-May
Several billion to locals’ dismay
Their songs made a roar
Like a Beelzebub snore
Then we watched their small corpses decay
December twelve, our first Omicron case
Now it’s spreading at tsunami pace
The hospitals are packed
Rampant illness, a fact
Please please keep a mask on your face
Mason deemed itself a sanctuary city
“No abortions” became their new ditty
But there’s no clinic there
So their claim was hot air
Then they voted out the pro-life committee
Our West Chester rep made the news
She broadcast Doc Truepenny’s views
This vaccine, the doc said,
Magnetizes your head
And causes your eyeballs to ooze
The old winning Bengals have returned
The Steelers, the Ravens, we burned
Our offense is quick
Our defense, like a brick
The North div first place our team earned
Mayor Cranley threw his hat in the race
Buckeye governor, he’s pleading his case
Legal weed is his pitch
It will make cronies rich
Cranley counts on a pot-smoking base
Aftab Pureval won the election
The new mayor, he’s the Democrats’ selection
Aftab thumped David Mann
With his neighborhood plan
The Queen City has a fresh new direction
Chad Johnson left a thousand dollar tip
After eating a yummy French Dip
He was at Redlands Grill
Servers rave about it still
I hope they all went on a trip
Dusty Rhodes tweeted anti-trans trash
“Fuck off,” tweeted Seelbach, so brash
Dusty dropped from the race
Seelbach made a wry face
And that was the end of the clash
The Bearcats made the playoffs this year
In Clifton we’ve had much to cheer
But ‘Bama was too mighty
And our offense proved flighty
So we fans are now sobbing in our beer
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