I’m sure you have heard of John Johnson
He was born at Oconto, Wisconsin
He drove the girls crazy
Especially Miss Daisy
He looked like a young Charles Bronson
At thirty John Johnson was a virgin
Quite desperate, he met with his surgeon
Said the doc, “This is bad”
“You could lose your doodad”
So John Johnson had sex with a sturgeon
John Johnson still hadn’t much sex
He went out with a pal’s former ex
John tickled her nose
As he tugged at her clothes
But she said, “I have herpes simplex”
John Johnson met a lady of the night
She brought him to the house of red light
John asked her how much
She said such and such
One second and John was in flight
John Johnson went back to the bar
He spotted three cuties from afar
They gave him a wink
Which caused John to think
“Perhaps they will strum my guitar”
Then John met a girl named Marie
Marie approached life with such glee
John Johnson said, “Let’s do it”
Marie said, “Oh screw it”
And that’s what she did and for free
John Johnson had a girlfriend named Ruby
Miss Ruby had tattoos on her booby
She loved a good time
She would strip for a dime
And then she would do scooby-dooby
John Johnson had eyes for Ms. Mary
But toward him Ms. Mary was wary
John came to her house/
Stuck his hand in her blouse
But Ms. Mary screamed loudly, “How dare he!”
John Johnson knew a girl named Ora
And Ora had a sister named Flora
John met them one night
To their mutual delight
They pretended to be in Gomorrah
John Johnson seduced Goody Smith
He had her imbibe half a fifth
They lay down in bed
And although she played dead
John Johnson proceeded forthwith
John lured Miss Babette to his room
On the guise she could see his heirloom
As he unzipped his fly
Babette poked him in the eye
And John’s lust transformed into gloom
Widow Murphy took Johnson to bed
The widow, of course, was well-bred
She declared, “This is wrong”
As she burst into song
And they played Chinese Checkers instead
John Johnson had a thing for Miss Suzy
He tricked her and got her quite boozy
But she smacked him in the nose
Then strangled him with her hose
R.I.P., John, done in by a floozy
John’s Heavenly stay had begun
He found an angel who could be the one
Alas, her true love was her harp
Sacred songs in C sharp
John asked her if Hell were more fun
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