Friday, June 14, 2019

Knotty Questions

“How old are you, Grandpa?” Leo asked
I paused for a moment
“Eighty-two next month” 
The children gazed at me with wonder 
“How do you get to be that old?” Vida asked
“Think pure thoughts,” I said
“And work hard — don’t let yourself be lazy”

We had just finished breakfast
Pancakes, bacon, maple syrup
Their parents had driven off to work 
My first all-day test as a sitter 
“How old do you think is old?” I asked
“Twenty-five,” Vida suggested
“No, thirty,” Leo argued
I agreed, “Thirty sounds good”
“Thirty, maybe even more”

We were sitting on the carpet
playing with the children’s toy cars
I had the yellow car
The children green and purple
Here I am, I thought to myself
Nearing the last stages of my life
While the children have
most of theirs left 

“”Vroom vroom vroom,” I roared
pushing my race car from side to side
“Vroom vroom vroom,” the children repeated
chasing one another toward the piano bench
There are many things we can learn from each other
Grandparents, grandchildren
Such different places, eons apart
I know a few things about growing older
But the children have much more to teach 
about the secrets of being young  



Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Jeopardy Fever

Jeopardy fever gripped the viewers
The winner, James Holzhauer, thirty-two weeks 
Almost two point five million point dollars
Said Alex Trebek: “Never seen such techniques” 

James, a sports gambler who lives in Las Vegas 
Skipped his college classes to play online poker
Forget history books, he reads children’s readers
A quirky persona, the smirk of a joker

Week thirty-three, James faced Emma Boettcher
A Chicago librarian, a Jeopardy buff
James took the early lead; Emma doubled her bet
Neck and neck, which warrior would wind up most tough?

No one imagined she’d beat James’s bid 
But Holy Moly, you Boettcher life she did! 



Monday, May 27, 2019

New York City Shadormas*

        *Shadorma: 6 lines; 3/5/3/3/7/5 syllables per line

Times Square

Blazing lights
Broadway, Seventh Ave
Milling crowds
Break dancers
MAGA caps and shirts for sale 
America’s soul
           

Museum of Modern Art

Hordes in line
Phantasmagoric
Picassos
Hoppers, Klees
Pointillists, surrealists
My head is spinning


The Subway

Blasting forth
Like an angry beast
Wheels screech
Lights flicker
Forty-second, Fifty-ninth
Hold tight, eight more stops  


 Metropolitan Opera

Grand gala
Don Giovanni
Mozart’s riff
Love and lust
Voices soaring to the sky
Don Juan burns in Hell


Oculus

Soaring wings
of the dove of peace 
Tragedy 
Inferno
Oculus signals rebirth
Strength and resilience 


Metropolitan Museum of Art

Fifth Ave Met
Great Hall, breathless crowd
Dutch masters
Genji tales
Every wing a masterpieces
Visitors bewitched


Fiddler on the Roof

Tradition
Tevye and Golde
In Yiddish
Taboo loves 
Pogroms, the village destroyed 
Audience weeping  


Eléa

Eighty-fifth
New Greek restaurant 
Dim white lights
Gentle chat 
Whitefish, pasta with mushrooms 
Overcome with bliss   


Bloomingdale’s Department Store

Fairyland
Seven floors of swag
Preppy staff
Plastic smiles
Whisper “buy buy buy” to all
Somehow I resist 


Taylor

Handsome coat 
German Shepherd prince
Obeys Bruce
Calm and cool
Races to his dog walker 
Smarter than a fox




Saturday, May 18, 2019

On "Portrait of Pierre Loti" by Henri Rousseau



Henri has completed my portrait
A masterpiece, if I say so myself  
Rarely have I looked more handsome 
My piercing eyes
My Mona-Lisa-like expression
And, best of all, my gorgeous black and yellow stripes
We felines, indeed, are rulers of the Universe

I invited my manservant to pose with me
His name is Loti, Pierre
He came along with the house  
You might think Pierre somewhat dim  
in his turban and starched white collar
with his wrinkly crinkly mustache
He is not the brightest lightbulb in the chandelier 
But his duties require little intellect

Pierre brings me food and water when I wish them
Keeps me well supplied with catnip
Provides fresh sand daily in my box de litère
My bed for naps, my toys to amuse me
Perhaps a ball of yarn
He will pet me for hours at a time
Or take me on outings to the Bois de Boulogne 

Pierre asks for nothing in return
And I rarely show him any attention
He is ecstatic if I give him a single purr  
If feeling whimsical, I might bring him a dead mouse
Our relationship, seemingly lopsided, is fair and equitable
My sheer presence is fully rewarding to Pierre
I have only the one misgiving
I am less than amused by his smoking  




Sunday, April 28, 2019

Autobiographical: A 7 x 7 x 7 Poem*

Firstborn son to Doris, Vic 
Menominee, Michigan
Thick of the Great Depression 
Off to Washington Grade School
Littlest kid in the class
Number two at spelling
Though next to last at marbles 

Age nine, we moved out of town
Our pine house on the river 
My two brothers, my sister
Not one other kid nearby
Irish setters, Mike, Micky
Swimming with the bloodsuckers
Basketball versus Steven 

Soon Menominee High School
Good at English, math, and art 
Wood shop, probably the worst 
Clerked at Grandfather’s drugstore 
Cruised with chums around the loop
Too shy to have a girlfriend
Braces in my senior year

Antioch by accident      
First an engineering nerd
Then Lit, then Psychology
Second year I fell in love
Wore our berets like beatniks 
Drank a lot of three-two beer 
Married Katja at the end 

Graduate school a nightmare             
Big Ten, Michigan football  
My dissertation, good grief
Six years, then off to Cincy
Joint appointment, Psych and Soc
An anxious classroom teacher
Struggling to get tenure

Justin born in sixty-nine
We bought our house in Clifton
Katja, teacher, social work
Such insane tennis parents
We lost our fathers, mothers
Then three brothers, much too young 
Hikes with sheepdogs and a friend

I retired, 2-0-0-9
Joined the gym, took line dancing 
Started OLLI, back to school
Writing loony poetry
Family visits to NOLA 
Grandkids, Vida and Leo
And that’s my story to date

    *7 stanzas; 7 lines per stanza; 7 syllables per line (plus a 7-syllable title)



Sunday, April 14, 2019

An Oedipal Dream

When my father departed 
to join the war in the Pacific 
I was appointed the man of the house
Sacred protector of my mother, my sister
even though I not yet reached seven

One day as we sipped lemonade in the garden 
a large hairy man with golden eyes 
charged toward us on his horse
It was Kublai Khan himself
He leapt from his fiery steed 
unleashing his double-edged sword

“Stay behind me”
I shouted to my loved ones
“I need no help”
A bronze saber magically appeared in my right hand
A shield in my left 
We engaged in furious battle
for an hour 
for two hours

Finally I saw my opening
Darted in, swung, slashed off Kublai Khan’s head
It fell with an empty thud at my feet
I hadn’t suffered a single cut or bruise
This moment, I realized, was the reason
I had been chosen to take my father’s place 



Sunday, April 7, 2019

Junk Mail Correspondence

lundgrendc…  open immediately
This message is from a trusted sender
Dear Trusted Sender, this is such a relief
My recent senders — a psycho, a thief 

P*O*R*N*S*T*R*Secret
Belive it or not, Men’s Secret is Probably in your pantry
     I searched my pantry for an hour or two 
     Found only one secret, Gorilla Glue 

The Savings Bank U.S
ARE YOU DEAD OR ALIVE? 
I asked my doctor this very question
He’s ordered a test for my next session 

LESBIAN COMMUNITY
Subscription Confirmed
     Can I be a lesbian if I’m a man? 
     I’d always heard there’s some kind of ban  

Esmeralda Psychic
lundgrendc, what I have to tell you could change your life
     Tell me, Esmeralda, does my future hold hope?
     I’ve been scared to death by my horoscope 

George Henley
Did You Forget Something?  There’s a special, exotic flower that 
helps preserve memory.
     I don’t have much memory left to preserve 
     But a flower exotic would perk up my verve 

DATING-SECRETS
HOW SHE_WANTS YOU_TO TURN HER_ON.
     I asked my date but this made her scoff
     Her preference on dates is to be turned off  

Keto Tone
New Skinny Pill Kills Your Fat.  This Diet is Sweeping The Nation
     Appealing but I am content with my fat 
     It makes me cuddly, so says my cat 

vAlentiMe
Gorgeous Bitch Women Are Waiting to Meet You
     Gorgeous Bitch Women, to me, are a threat
     The very idea, I break into a sweat
New Health News
Anxiety? Depression? CBD OIL could be a Lifesaver
     Anxiety, depression, I’ve more than I need
     Will CBD OIL restore an old Swede?

Dorathy Gaby
I will like to disclose something very important to you, get back for
more details.  Regards. Mrs Dorathy Gaby
     Dear Dorathy, I will disclose this to you 
     Your parents — bad spellers, so sorry but true

Gay Porn
Thank’s For Joining
Tell me, just what is involved in gay porn? 
Now that I’ve joined, will I be less forlorn? 

hi
someone is Searching For You.. Find out now!
Hey Someone, I am joining your quest 
I’ve lost myself too and am most distressed

Apple News
The Downside to good Hygiene
I too think Hygiene is over-rated
Cleanliness, sanitation — thoroughly outdated

Flirt Message
Pritty Slut..Poked.you..
Such a fine poke from a girl so pritty
Best that you live in a faraway city 

 Exclusive Homeware
Does Your Closet Spark Joy?  Try This At Home.  
I’m happy to say that my closet sparks joy 
I’ve been hiding in mine since I was a boy  

WARNING ..lundgrendc
We’ve Detected Unusual Activity on Your Account
     Thanks for your warning, that activity was me
     I finished this poem — that’s unusual, you see