Ear Wax Terrors

I’ll tell you of a ghastly experience  

It came as a hair-raising shock

Like marooned in the wastes of Antartica

Or entombed by a large granite rock

I asked Dr Z about ear wax

He peered in my ears, left and right

“Yep, you’ve got plenty of wax,” he said

His nurse would take care of the blight 

The nurse squeezed hot liquid in each of my ears

Then she switched on her vacuum device

Whoosh, the wax popped from my left ear

But my right ear she had to do twice

I didn’t hear well as I drove the car home

My left ear, I’d say, was okay

But then I discovered, my right ear — stone deaf

Mere words can’t describe my dismay

I worried the wax had simply gone deeper  

The surgeon might slice through my head 

Perhaps my eardrum was suctioned out

That part of my brain was now dead

I called the office in dire panic

“Try peroxide in your ear,” said the doc

“If it’s not any better by Friday

“Come back in at eleven o’clock”

My wife took the job as my medical aide

Each morning she filled up my ear

I still couldn’t hear a word of NPR

I returned to the doc, full of fear

           

The nurse said she thought that my wax now looked softer

She swished and she swushed and a big chunk came out

My ear, my life, was miraculously saved

So pleasing to hear myself shout

The eeriest feeling is being stone deaf

Even if it’s only one ear

I’d lost all connection with the world’s right side

Many things on my right I hold dear