Life Puzzles (No. 2)

Marriage, that most curious of journeys

Complexity — consternation — confusion

Two different persons, one single union

Like a ship in a storm

Or the kiddies at play

How does this smorgasbord even survive?

My wife and I, born into alternate worlds

She from Philadelphia; I, the North Woods 

Friends are amazed, think we’re alien beings

Yet we’ve stuck together for

            Fifty

                        Odd

                                    Years

My wife came of age on the Main Line

A student of classics at the High School for Girls

French Literature, Balzac and Baudelaire

Weekend outings at the Philly Art Museum

Or Wanamakers for tea sandwiches and pink lemonade

The passions of her soul: The Opera, The Symphony

And following the Queen and her flock

Meanwhile

my family lived in the central U.P.

A house made of pine in a forest on the river

Youthful snippets:

            Camping at Mason Park

            Shooting hoops with my brother on the snow and ice

            Roy Rogers and Dale Evans at the Saturday matinee

The highlight:  The U.P. State Fair at Escanaba

            The demolition derby…the freak show…the Country Music Cavalcade

And most thrilling of all: The Green Bay Packers!!!

So how did we come together?  — such a blur

But she thought the North Woods romantic

And I found the Big City EYE-POPPING!

We’ve attended the opera for all the years since

Resistant at first but

            I’ve slowly improved 

Late August we go to the county fair

which sets my heart thumping

The goats and the sheep, bloomin’ onions, the bumper cars

My wife loves the rabbits and the ferris wheel

If it weren’t for me, she might have missed out

I think this must be the key secret of marriage:

Each brings different treats to the table

The First Day of Classes

Autumn quarter had just begun

I was gathering myself in my office

They assigned me to teach Geology Two

I knew nothing about it, felt nauseous

I looked at my watch, it was 9:58

My class was scheduled for ten

 I frantically searched for some lecture notes

Finding none, I grabbed paper and pen

I raced across campus to find my room

But they’d locked the entire first floor

I called the office to get some help

They sent me to Room 404

Now  it was seventeen after ten

 Over half of my students had left

I nodded to the class and hemmed and hawed

I had trouble even catching my breath

My topic for the day — the origin of earth

This was something I knew nothing about

I told a feeble joke about getting drunk

The back row stood up and walked out

The rest of the class just stared at me

They were shocked that their teacher was a fraud

My face turned red and my heart was pounding

My whole being was visibly flawed

I said a few words about summer vacation

I wanted to scream, “Please stay here”

More of the students were packing their books

I too wished that I could disappear

Finally there was only one student left

A red-haired young woman with glasses

She said she hoped I’d get better

Geology was the worst of her classes

At that very moment I woke from my dream

There weren’t any students in sight

I haven’t taught a class for umpteen years

You’d think I’d be over the fright 

Square Thinking

The key to Eternal Happiness?

It’s plagued our poets from

            Ovid

               to

            Seuss

But thanks to the wily Internet

We have gleaned the elusive secret: ORDER

 And the most Orderly object of all:     THE SQUARE

                * * * * * * *

                *                *

                *                *

                *                *
                * * * * * * *

Symmetry

Quadruplicity

Uniformity

Angularity

Reciprocity

Equilibrium

To assemble an immaculate square:

(A) Place teeny dots at the corners

(B) Draw the straightest of lines

One pair horizontally

Two others vertically

(C) Take a deep breath, sit back, admire

Slothful critics are known to assert

That the so-called “circle” is superior

Balderdash

Lunacy

Vipers

Human existence is enriched by squares:

*Tables

  *Paintings

    *Checkerboards

      *Carpets

        *Saltines

          *Quilts

            *Styrofoam boxes

              *Window panes

                *Rubicon cubes

                   *Pillows

                     *Kitchen tiles

                       *Wendy’s burger patties

If you happen to think I’m

a weirdo obsessed

Add a new square to your life —

Bid farewell to despair!  

Trees of River House

The maples stood outside our dining room door

October, so brilliantly red

Their seedlings spun like little whirligigs

Then in winter we feared they were dead

The willow was our childhood favorite 

It sat at one corner of our yard 

A wonderful tree for us kids to climb 

Though reaching its top could be hard

The Norway pines were so tall and straight

But their cones contained goo that was sticky 

We used two Norways for goal posts

Two others held a swing for sweet Vicki 

The oaks were our most majestic trees

Their acorns could fill a large barrel 

We used those nuts for our acorn wars

One entered our yard at great peril

The birches were perched on our riverbank

Clothed in their elegant bark

We’d peel it off to write secret notes

Each tree  with its own watermark

We had a box elder on our front lawn

It too was a fine tree to climb

We lost a chameleon on that tall tree

I still dream we’ll find it sometime

The cedars had the most delicate cones

The deer came and fed in the night

These were trees with a fragrant smell

They grew where the sun was less bright

The blue spruce was a most elegant tree 

Its branches were too dense to climb 

We thought it our year-round Christmas tree 

So Santa was near all the time

The tag alder, sadly, were a second-rate tree

They grew in the swamp in profusion

I used them to build my secret camp

It was alder that gave me seclusion 

The sumac lived in our field in the back

Its fruits were bright spikes of red

I’d bring a bouquet to my mother

Though she actually liked trillium instead 

The Drunkard's Lament

            Many

            Days

            When

            Fate

            Drew

            Nigh

           I left

          Judgment

         Far behind

        Shutting out

       The dark world

      Drowning my mind

     In piquant liquids

     Denying my reality

     Whiskey so lulling

     Comforting my soul

     Blotting out truth

     I’d rather not see

     Later I passed out

     Slept on the floor

     Dreamt of my youth

     And cheerier times

     Oh the splendor of
     Bourbon and Scotch

     Taking me off to a

     World more hopeful 

     Ensuring my solace

     Dulling the senses

     Escaping existence

     

Dog Heaven: A Sonnet

The other day I placed a call to Mike

I asked him how it was up there in Heaven

He said he’d found so many things to like

He’s fallen for a Schnauzer who's named Bevin

His brother Duffy then got on the phone 

Heaven’s proving swell for Duffy too

Each morning he awakes to find a bone 

Plus shoes and glasses and other stuff to chew

I mourn the dogs’ departure every day 

They were the very keystone of my life 

It helps a tiny bit with my dismay

To tell myself they’re fine in afterlife 

I’m sad I’ll never have a dog again

Perhaps that’s why I dream of times back then

NOLA Family Pets: Iko, Little Paws, and Cody

Our NOLA family’s been growing 

First Iko, a doggie, became their new pet

Next he was joined by puppy Little Paws

Then Cody the kitten, perhaps the cutest yet 

Iko in his youth was a mutt of the streets

Eking out a living on Tulane Ave

Kiersta found him and brought him home

To a life no one dreamed he might have 

Iko is mainly a smallish-sized Schnauzer

Maybe nine, maybe ten inches high

He’s got a glistening coat that is silvery-gray

And a sparkling glint in his eye

Any noise on the step, Iko races to the door

Eager to greet whoever comes in

He stretches up their legs with his busy front paws

Checking the odors from places they’ve been 

Everyone agrees that Iko’s a cuddler

Joining his humans on the sofa or chair

He lays right down with his head on their lap

Contented and happy with a life that’s so fair

From dawn till midnight Iko’s ready for a walk

Pulling at first, then sniffing this and that

He stares at the people a full block away

And his tail starts wagging when he spots a black cat 

Little Paws arrived just two years ago

Vida picked him out from an online ad

He travelled from Georgia on a jumbo jet

Little Paws met Iko, he was so glad

Little Paws is just like Iko’s younger brother

Following Iko wherever he goes

When Iko smells  some weeds, Little Paws smells them too

They stay side by side when they lie down to doze 

Everyone in the neighborhood thinks Little Paws a cutie-pie

One half Yorkie, the other half Chin

Even though he is smaller than Iko

It’s easy to imagine him Iko’s twin

Like Iko, Little Paws loves going on walks

He strains on his leash as if out on a mission

Yelping at bad guys across the street

And watching the big dogs with a healthy suspicion

This little dog has his own Teddy Bear

Which he bring to the grownups to play tug of war

Last week Little Paws tugged Teddy too hard

Poor Teddy’s innards, all over the floor

Little Paws is also a talented jumper

Leaping three feet to get up on the bed

This dog has the energy of an Eveready bunny

No one thinks Little Paws a sleepyhead

Now there’s a kitten named Cody in the house

Five or six pounds with fur that’s jet black

Cody seems to think that he is a dog

And his brothers have made him a part of the pack

Cats and dogs are quite different of course

Cody has more of an independent streak

Even so he’ll come over and rub on your leg

And his purr has a special kitten mystique

At mealtime Cody sneaks onto the table

Justin grabs him and puts him back down

Then Cody’s back up again searching for snacks

He may be a cat but he’s also a clown

Cody loves to wrestle with Little Paws

Though the dog is the mightier of the two

Neither Little Paws or Iko would ever hurt Cody

The dogs and the cat are best friends, so true blue

Leo and Vida are pals with their pets

Vida’s been thinking of being a vet one day

The children, the dogs, the cat — one big bunch 

A house that is teeming with whoopee and play