What with J. D. Vance,
the rightwing state legislature,
and the Trumper majority,
I’ve become more and more
disheartened about the state I live in.
Searching for positives
I asked Gemini, my AI chatbot chum,
what Ohio ranks number one in.
You will be surprised.
It’s not smoking or obesity or child poverty.
No sir, Ohio ranks number one
in one major area:
the production of buckeye nuts.
I should have guessed.
This is, after all, the Buckeye state.
Buckeyes, while attractive to the munchkins,
are bitter to the taste.
Eating one results in
nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, cramps.
Eating excessive buckeyes
one will first be paralyzed
and then one dies a painful death.
Despite this annoying side effect,
our founders selected the buckeye
to be the Ohio State Tree.
If not for this, we wouldn’t be number one at all.
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