My Pugilistic Career

All the Antioch freshmen had to take Phys Ed 

Maybe golf or horseshoes or squash  

I picked badminton,which sounded most gentle

But my roommate picked boxing, omigosh

Al was a chemist, a nerdy guy

Short, uncoordinated, even flabby

But each time he came back from his boxing class

He raved about his fights, oh so gabby 

Winter quarter arrived and I’d had enough

I was sure I was more manly than Al

I signed up for boxing, the first class I picked

I just knew it would boost my morale 

The first class meeting came as a shock

From the whole campus, all the biggest guys 

At least six foot two, two hundred pounds

I knew I’d never win a prize 

Class sessions were brutal sparring bouts

Monstrous brutes were on the attack 

A punch to the cheek, a blow to the gut

Thud, Crash, Whomp a Domp, Nasty Smash 

There was only one guy the same size as me 

When paired up we’d both go insane 

You’d never know we were mild-mannered 

We went all out, heck with the pain

I told Al my class was a nightmare 

The weekly pummeling left me sad 

Yes, Al said, it was the same for him 

“What?” I yelled, “that is so bad.”

Months later I got drunk at a party

I told Al, “Let’s go out and fight” 

He laughed and thought I was kidding

But I meant to show him my might 

Nowadays my gym has a punching bag

My left jab is still pretty quick 

But I’ve never once used my boxing skills 

Badminton, a more practical pick