Probably I shouldn’t fret
A true honor, being one of only twenty-six
But hardly an honor to be stuck at the end
We Z’s get short shrift
Webster’s dictionary has 953 pages
The Z’s begin on page 952
Does this strike you as just? Logical?
So disheartening for the grade schoolers named Zimmerman
whose daily activities are arranged alphabetically
They are fed up with being Z’s (as they well should be)
Zimmerman is the most common Z-name
but it’s not among the most popular twenty
Not even the top fifty
In fact it is number 379
Zhang comes in second at 472
In ancient times this was not the case
Practically everyone in the Old Testament is named Z
Zacharias, Zebedee, Zephaniah, Zelophehad
Zair, Zareah, Zedekiah, Zeeb, Zion
Zuzims, Zorobabel, Zophar, Ziza,
and 131 more of our clan
Calligraphers admire Z as the most elegant
Like a bolt of lightning
Or the zig-zag trail of a mountaineer
scaling the face of El Capitan
Z is sharper than S, more fulsome than J
Twice as dynamic as our staid cousin N
And Zzz is among the most melodious of sounds
The gentle breathing of a sleeping newborn
Or the hiss of a snake-mother guarding her snakelets
Just ask yourself this question
Where would we be without zinnias, zebras, zithers,
zephyrs, zoologists, the zodiac, Renee Zellweger
Were it not for zygotes, the human race would be extinct
These are matters crying out for public discussion
Please try not to be zany when you next meet a Z
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