First Tweets

I have to admit I am out of the loop

I never have learned how to tweet

I do know they’re one forty characters max

And when written in rhyme they’re quite sweet

The next time we see our grandkids

I will ask them to teach me some Twitter

In the meantime I’m practicing writing tweets

Here’s a few that have led me to titter

Hello Hello to all my dear friends

I am tweeting for the very first time

I’m going to tell you what’s new in my life

And I’ll try to avoid all the grime

(#FirstTimeTweeting)

I purchased three quarts of spumoni

Then hid them downstairs in the freezer

I chose not to share a dish with my wife

Since she thinks me a selfish old geezer

(#IceCreamStash)

I haven’t slept well for umpteen years

Now my doc’s saying Ambien’s bad

I suppose he thinks I’m addicted

But no Ambien and I’ll be ultra sad

(#NoAmbien)

The vet’s office called with a question last week

They offered us two Labradoodles

Our hearts skipped a beat when we pondered this

If we do it we’re out of our noodles

(#TwoLabradoodles)

I drove Katja out to the suburbs

She nagged me each mile of the way

“Look out!,” “Slow down!,” she yelled in my ears

I encouraged her to silently pray

(#DrivingAdvice)

Our dishwasher went on the fritz

Our service agreement’s from Sears

They said they could come in twenty-nine days

That’s better than twenty-nine years

(#BadServiceAgreement)

My wife chats with strangers at the airport

A habit that makes me uneasy

I never can think of something to say

So I just stand around looking queasy

(#AirportChitchat)  

We are back from our holiday vacation

Life at home seems to be rather boring

We go nowhere and we do nothing

My most robust action is snoring

#LifeIsBoring

Katja wants to get a new car

Our old car has 80K miles

It strikes me it’s running perfectly fine

So I simply reply with vague smiles

(#Don’tNeedNewCar) 

I’m taking these pills for blood sugar

They’re useful for staying alive

I have to pay about eight cents a day

That’s o.k. if they help me survive

(#CheapPills)

The wristband broke on my Fitbit

Now I carry it in my pocket instead

I never get close to ten thousand steps

You might say I’m a Fitbit Dumbhead

(#FitbitFailure)

We are cooped up by such freezing weather

I need to get out of the house

And then making matters even worse

Our kitchen’s now home to a mouse

(#MouseHouse)

Maybe it’s two mice who live in our kitchen

They get crumbs in the middle of the night

I’m thinking of buying some mousetraps

Though murder seems quite impolite

(#Don’tMurderSmallVisitors)

So these are the tweets that I’ve dreamed up so far

Possibilities, of course, are quite endless

I’m eager to send out my very first tweet

I hope I don’t prove to be friendless