Saturday, June 29, 2019

Landline Blues

I can remember those days long gone
When our phones were actually a treat 
We would talk with our sweethearts and mothers 
Call Wimpy’s for something to eat 

Our landlines are now like swarms of mosquitoes
High noon they’re all over the place
I swat one pest and twelve more fly in 
Total disdain for our space

These phones calls remind me of Mongol hordes  
Charging their steeds through the village  
Snatching up my wife and myself
Seeking out victims to pillage

Our phones are as bad as a plague of locusts
Gobbling up all that’s in sight  
Their noise drowns out all the real sounds
And turns our house into a blight 

My similes — forgive me — I’m out of control 
Locusts and Mongols, it can’t be that bad 
Though what’s more annoying than robocalls?
I call-blocked my mother, so sad 



Friday, June 21, 2019

Circa 1949: An Anaphoric Poem

I remember icicles that stretched from the roof to the ground
I remember pulling bloodsuckers from between our toes after swimming
I remember lugging my red wagon to the city dump with my dad to bring home good stuff
I remember capturing garter snakes from under the rocks in my mother’s garden
I remember swimming across the river with my dad following in the rowboat
I remember listening in on the neighbors on our party-line phone
I remember a flock of pheasants parading through our front yard
I remember stealing carrots and blackberries from Mrs. Mead’s garden
I remember when our road turned to mud in the spring and we couldn’t go to school
I remember climbing with my siblings to the top of the willow tree
I remember being scared of quicksand when we walked in waist-deep water to Mr. Shaver’s
I remember slashing my thumb with a hatchet on a Pig Island camping trip
I remember biking to the Ideal Dairy to buy lemon flake ice cream, two dips for a nickel
I remember the six-foot pine snakes that sunned in our front yard
I remember when our Irish Setter Mike fell through the ice and my mother rescued him
I remember poking sticks into an anthill and watching the ants go crazy
I remember my eating mother’s whitefish, pot roast, and potato sausage
I remember counting “I love you, I love you not” with the petals of a Black-Eyed Susan
I remember running barefoot races in the snow
I remember my dad towing us behind the car on our toboggan
I remember listening to Jack Benny and Duffy’s Tavern on Sunday night radio
I remember emptying dead bodies from the mousetraps
I remember when they opened the dams and drained all the water out of the river
I remember finding lost change under the sofa cushions (which my dad had
deliberately put there)
I remember when I threw acorns at my brother and he fell out of the oak tree
I remember singing “Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall” at the outdoor fireplace
I remember my parents and their friends drinking Silver Cream beer
I remember when we killed the flying bat in our living room with a cast iron frying pan
I remember loving Captain Marvel comic books
I remember when the ice went out on “Chinese Bells Day”
I remember my uncle Karl urging me to dig up the “Indian burial mound” in our
back yard
I remember when Steve and I spilled red airplane dope on our brand new carpet
I remember being scared of the ghosts while riding my bike past the cemetery at night
I remember blowing milkweed seeds into the wind
I remember when Steve shot the snapping turtle with our bow and arrow
I remember my mother telling me I wasn’t perfect
I remember our dog swimming behind the boat when we traveled half a mile for a family 
picnic on Indian Island
I remember when we saw a mud puppy through the ice on the river’s floor
I remember collecting nightcrawlers for fishing on the cemetery lawn after a heavy rain
I remember when our dog Mike got porcupine quills stuck in his nose
I remember when Steve and I lit the hoop with a desk lamp so we could
play basketball at night on the frozen driveway
I remember when we shot at tin cans and bottles in the river with the twenty-two
I remember everything about being twelve years old



Friday, June 14, 2019

Knotty Questions

“How old are you, Grandpa?” Leo asked
I paused for a moment
“Eighty-two next month” 
The children gazed at me with wonder 
“How do you get to be that old?” Vida asked
“Think pure thoughts,” I said
“And work hard — don’t let yourself be lazy”

We had just finished breakfast
Pancakes, bacon, maple syrup
Their parents had driven off to work 
My first all-day test as a sitter 
“How old do you think is old?” I asked
“Twenty-five,” Vida suggested
“No, thirty,” Leo argued
I agreed, “Thirty sounds good”
“Thirty, maybe even more”

We were sitting on the carpet
playing with the children’s toy cars
I had the yellow car
The children green and purple
Here I am, I thought to myself
Nearing the last stages of my life
While the children have
most of theirs left 

“”Vroom vroom vroom,” I roared
pushing my race car from side to side
“Vroom vroom vroom,” the children repeated
chasing one another toward the piano bench
There are many things we can learn from each other
Grandparents, grandchildren
Such different places, eons apart
I know a few things about growing older
But the children have much more to teach 
about the secrets of being young  



Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Jeopardy Fever

Jeopardy fever gripped the viewers
The winner, James Holzhauer, thirty-two weeks 
Almost two point five million point dollars
Said Alex Trebek: “Never seen such techniques” 

James, a sports gambler who lives in Las Vegas 
Skipped his college classes to play online poker
Forget history books, he reads children’s readers
A quirky persona, the smirk of a joker

Week thirty-three, James faced Emma Boettcher
A Chicago librarian, a Jeopardy buff
James took the early lead; Emma doubled her bet
Neck and neck, which warrior would wind up most tough?

No one imagined she’d beat James’s bid 
But Holy Moly, you Boettcher life she did! 



Monday, May 27, 2019

New York City Shadormas*

        *Shadorma: 6 lines; 3/5/3/3/7/5 syllables per line

Times Square

Blazing lights
Broadway, Seventh Ave
Milling crowds
Break dancers
MAGA caps and shirts for sale 
America’s soul
           

Museum of Modern Art

Hordes in line
Phantasmagoric
Picassos
Hoppers, Klees
Pointillists, surrealists
My head is spinning


The Subway

Blasting forth
Like an angry beast
Wheels screech
Lights flicker
Forty-second, Fifty-ninth
Hold tight, eight more stops  


 Metropolitan Opera

Grand gala
Don Giovanni
Mozart’s riff
Love and lust
Voices soaring to the sky
Don Juan burns in Hell


Oculus

Soaring wings
of the dove of peace 
Tragedy 
Inferno
Oculus signals rebirth
Strength and resilience 


Metropolitan Museum of Art

Fifth Ave Met
Great Hall, breathless crowd
Dutch masters
Genji tales
Every wing a masterpieces
Visitors bewitched


Fiddler on the Roof

Tradition
Tevye and Golde
In Yiddish
Taboo loves 
Pogroms, the village destroyed 
Audience weeping  


Eléa

Eighty-fifth
New Greek restaurant 
Dim white lights
Gentle chat 
Whitefish, pasta with mushrooms 
Overcome with bliss   


Bloomingdale’s Department Store

Fairyland
Seven floors of swag
Preppy staff
Plastic smiles
Whisper “buy buy buy” to all
Somehow I resist 


Taylor

Handsome coat 
German Shepherd prince
Obeys Bruce
Calm and cool
Races to his dog walker 
Smarter than a fox




Saturday, May 18, 2019

On "Portrait of Pierre Loti" by Henri Rousseau



Henri has completed my portrait
A masterpiece, if I say so myself  
Rarely have I looked more handsome 
My piercing eyes
My Mona-Lisa-like expression
And, best of all, my gorgeous black and yellow stripes
We felines, indeed, are rulers of the Universe

I invited my manservant to pose with me
His name is Loti, Pierre
He came along with the house  
You might think Pierre somewhat dim  
in his turban and starched white collar
with his wrinkly crinkly mustache
He is not the brightest lightbulb in the chandelier 
But his duties require little intellect

Pierre brings me food and water when I wish them
Keeps me well supplied with catnip
Provides fresh sand daily in my box de litère
My bed for naps, my toys to amuse me
Perhaps a ball of yarn
He will pet me for hours at a time
Or take me on outings to the Bois de Boulogne 

Pierre asks for nothing in return
And I rarely show him any attention
He is ecstatic if I give him a single purr  
If feeling whimsical, I might bring him a dead mouse
Our relationship, seemingly lopsided, is fair and equitable
My sheer presence is fully rewarding to Pierre
I have only the one misgiving
I am less than amused by his smoking  




Sunday, April 28, 2019

Autobiographical: A 7 x 7 x 7 Poem*

Firstborn son to Doris, Vic 
Menominee, Michigan
Thick of the Great Depression 
Off to Washington Grade School
Littlest kid in the class
Number two at spelling
Though next to last at marbles 

Age nine, we moved out of town
Our pine house on the river 
My two brothers, my sister
Not one other kid nearby
Irish setters, Mike, Micky
Swimming with the bloodsuckers
Basketball versus Steven 

Soon Menominee High School
Good at English, math, and art 
Wood shop, probably the worst 
Clerked at Grandfather’s drugstore 
Cruised with chums around the loop
Too shy to have a girlfriend
Braces in my senior year

Antioch by accident      
First an engineering nerd
Then Lit, then Psychology
Second year I fell in love
Wore our berets like beatniks 
Drank a lot of three-two beer 
Married Katja at the end 

Graduate school a nightmare             
Big Ten, Michigan football  
My dissertation, good grief
Six years, then off to Cincy
Joint appointment, Psych and Soc
An anxious classroom teacher
Struggling to get tenure

Justin born in sixty-nine
We bought our house in Clifton
Katja, teacher, social work
Such insane tennis parents
We lost our fathers, mothers
Then three brothers, much too young 
Hikes with sheepdogs and a friend

I retired, 2-0-0-9
Joined the gym, took line dancing 
Started OLLI, back to school
Writing loony poetry
Family visits to NOLA 
Grandkids, Vida and Leo
And that’s my story to date

    *7 stanzas; 7 lines per stanza; 7 syllables per line (plus a 7-syllable title)