All About Iko

 

The Orphan 

Iko grew up in a house of  ill repute  

A seedy motel in Mid-City

The ladies of the night thought him very cute 

Iko grew up in a house of  ill repute

Then he ran off one night in a raucous dispute 

Our family saved him from a life that was gritty 

Iko grew up in a house of  ill repute

A seedy motel in Mid-City

Iko the Sniffer 

Sniffing, we agree, is Iko’s best trait

The stop sign, the hydrant, the pole 

Who are the dogs who have passed by of late?  

Sniffing, we agree, is Iko’s best trait

His ears are okay but his nose is great 

That’s why he enjoys a good stroll 

Sniffing, we agree, is Iko’s best trait

The stop sign, the hydrant, the pole 

The Marker 

Iko is serious about leaving his mark 

Each of his walks, fifteen times or more 

His favorite location, our Dunore Park

Iko is serious about leaving his mark 

Sometimes he’ll toss in a high-pitched bark 

Just to let big dogs know the score 

Iko is serious about leaving his mark 

Each of his walks, fifteen times or more 

The Fighter 

Iko goes crazy to have a good fight 

He rolls on his back, kicks his feet in the air  

He does bare his teeth but he’d never bite 

Iko goes crazy to have a good fight 

He pushes on my forearms with all his might 

I go rub-a-dub-dub on his hair 

Iko goes crazy to have a good fight 

He rolls on his back, kicks his feet in the air

Pandemic Dog Thoughts 

For me the pandemic’s a marvelous thing 

It means we’re together all of the time 

Staying at home makes me want to sing 

For me the pandemic’s a marvelous thing 

All this attention I feel like a king 

The hugging, the petting, it’s so sublime 

For me the pandemic’s a marvelous thing 

It means we’re together all of the time 

Iko Brightens Our Lives  

With Iko our house is a happier place 

He’s like a fount of good cheer 

He wakes in the morning with a smile on his face  

With Iko our house is a happier place

His bed on our floor is his favorite space 

So long as the humans are near 

With Iko our house is a happier place

He’s like a fount of good cheer

Farewell

RIP, Alex, that’s it for your run

We watched you at dinner for years 

Right or wrong, we had oodles of fun 

RIP, Alex, that’s it for your run

For millions of fans the world is undone  

So many sorrows, so many tears

RIP, Alex, that’s it for your run

We watched you at dinner for years 

 

Digital Friendships

We’re pretty good friends, me and Stephen Colbert  

He tells me new jokes every night 

Disgust with Trump, that’s a main thing we share 

We’re pretty good friends, me and Stephen Colbert  

Steve could know me better but I don’t care 

When he comes to Cincy we will be so tight 

We’re pretty good friends, me and Stephen Colbert  

He tells me new jokes every night 

Shaggy Visage

Untouched for eight months, a pandemic beard 

Three oldies mistook me for Gabby Hayes 

The message: We’re stuck in a time that is weird   

Untouched for eight months, a pandemic beard 

By New Years I hope that I’ll have this beard sheared

But only if first I’ve reduced my malaise   

Untouched for eight months, a pandemic beard 

Three oldies mistook me for Gabby Hayes 

Crusty Old Guy Triolets

                 Eighty-Three

My eighty-third birthday to me was a fright

Who could imagine I’d still be around? 

The perils of old age still leave me uptight 

My eighty-third birthday to me was a fright

Though reaching eight decades I’ve done something right

Thanks to whiskey and Miltown I’m still above ground 

My eighty-third birthday to me was a a fright

Who could imagine I’d still be around? 

Loneliness

 

All my friends have gone away 

A fact that leaves me lonely 

No chums left with whom to play  

All my friends have gone away

I wake each morn to loss, dismay

Finding myself only 

All my friends have gone away

A fact that leaves me lonely 

The Worst Idea  

This is the worst idea of all 

Each hour that we’re here, one hour closer to death

The very thought of it casts a dark pall 

This is the worst idea of all

The truth is we need to confront our downfall

Every creature on earth has to breathe their last breath 

This is the worst idea of all

Each hour that we’re here, one hour closer to death

Polymalgia Rheumatica 

I wake each morn in abject pain 

My arms, my legs, my shoulders, my spine

To walk ten steps, a cruel strain

I wake each morn in abject pain

By afternoon I’ve made some gain 

My knees, surprise, now feel just fine

I wake each morn in abject pain

My arms, my legs, my shoulders, my spine

Too Many Docs  

It seems like I go to a doctor each week

The lung doc, the heart doc, the skin doc and more 

My body’s turned into a creaky antique

It seems like I go to the doctor each week

Each visit I’m sure that my prospects are bleak  

But the doc always says he finds life in my core

It seems like I go to the doctor each week 

The lung doc, the heart doc, the skin doc, and more 

Burnet Woods: A Love Song

The number one thing about where we live

We’re three blocks from Burnet Woods park

The museum, the lake, the civil war cannons

And the bandstand's a Clifton landmark

 

Burnet’s been there for a century and a half

The lake, Eighteen Seventy-Five

There’s a pink granite monument at the southern edge

And a trapeze on MLK Drive

The woods have a network of hiking trails

We forget that we’re still in the city 

One hikes up and down in the hills and ravines

Each view that we see, still more pretty

Our park also has an old-time playground

With its swings and a tall concrete slide

Built in the thirties by the WPA 

Cardboard speeds up each little kid’s ride 

The bandstand has concerts each Wednesday eve 

Maybe folk or classical or rock 

Fantastic fireworks on the Fourth of July

People watch from the lakside sidewalk

A hippy built a labyrinth in the park

It was hidden far off in the trees

The authorities forced him to take it all down

The labyrinth man said they were sleaze

 

Fishermen hang out at Burnet Woods lake

Hunting catfish and bass and brown trout

A guy once showed me his three-foot catch

The size of it made me freak out

  

One winter I gathered some kindling from the woods

And filled up the rack on my car

The cops were watching, said put it all back

I still think their policy bizarre

When J was a kid we would sled at Burnet

The best spot, right near Skyline Chili 

You have to watch for the trees at the end

The sleds almost fly, it’s so hilly 

To me Burnet Woods is a slice of heaven

It’s freedom and beauty and rest

Most of all, it’s escape from the trials of life

Pay a visit, you'll soon be de-stressed

Kitchen Horrors

“Wake up, wake up

We caught the mouse

But he is still alive

Please please go down to the kitchen”

“Stop poking me

I’m sound asleep

The mouse will die soon

This can wait until morning”

Then it was morning

I made my way downstairs

The mousetrap, empty, upside down

The mouse a foot away

Lying on his  back

Kicking, jerking

Squirming, writhing

Unable to right himself 

I slid a New Yorker under the helpless body

Laid an AARP magazine on the top

Rolled the bundle in a coffin-like cylinder

And carried the package to the driveway

What does one do when the mousetrap fails?  

I tossed the crippled body into my neighbor’s garden

Watched as the leaves shook about

What now?  How long?  

I walked away, stoop-shouldered, head down 

The demeanor of a guilt-ridden murderer