Support Squirrel Update

“Flight to Ohio delayed after woman 

brings ‘emotional support squirrel’” 

[Headline, Cincinnati Enquirer, Oct. 8, 2018]

  

My name is Lupita Louie

Some of you know me as the Squirrel Girl

Yes I was she on the Horizon flight

Terrorized for only wanting emotional support

Arrested, interrogated, investigated, humiliated

Emotional Support —  Ha Ha!

Horizon Airlines 

the satanic home of Anti-Support

My squirrel’s name is Lupitia

Yes, she took her name from me

her best friend, her sister in spirit

Lupitia is two years and two months old

I rescued her

when her deceased mother had an unfortunate 

experience with my cat

Lupitia and I go everywhere together

The soda fountain, the cookie store, the dentist

She is always welcome

True, she is terrified of people 

But still she is gentle and harmless

Why should Horizon Airlines be hostile to rodents?

What’s next?  No chinchillas?  

They allow miniature support horses, for goodness sake

In any case 

We did fly back to Cleveland

I bought my new ticket on Jet Blue

The emotionally supportive airline

I duct taped the windows in Lupitia’s crate

and told the stewardess she was a support kitten

Lupitia never let out a peep

If you are outraged by my story

and want to give emotional support

Please go to my GoFundMe page

and donate ten dollars 

Sincerely yours 

Lupita Louie

Blood Sugar Blues: A Quatern

My blood sugar, it’s sort of high 

I measure it once or twice a day

First check the reading, then a sigh

When at its worst, I kneel and pray 

 I saw the doc, the doc told me 

My blood sugar, it's sort of high

“Just lose some weight, that is the key”

Ten pounds or so, I guess I’ll try 

Dieting, I’m a cucumber guy  

I still enjoy my glass of wine 

My blood sugar, it's sort of high 

A painful task to tow the line

I’ve lost four pounds, a welcome start

The sight of cookies makes me cry

And yet I know deep in my heart

My blood sugar, it's sort of high 

5000 Towels

The sign at the Health Plex announced in bold print 

“5000 towels are missing each year” 

5000 towels?  That’s 14 per day! 

How could five thousand towels disappear? 

I once had an uncle who stole hotel towels

Outraged at the room rates — he thought them too high

So he’d bring towels home as a gift to my mom 

Then she’d slip them to us on the sly  

The Health Plex, of course, has an older crowd

Some portion are mildly demented 

They stick those towels in their gym bags 

And wander off home quite contented

On the dark side, we have those with towel fetishes

Sniffing body odors can be a kick  

To feed such a habit, you need fresh dirty towels 

Two dozen a week does the trick 

I’m keeping my eye on a worker named Edith 

She’s in charge of the laundry machines

Looks like the sort who’d sell towels at the flea 

Five thousand would keep her in jeans     

The Health Plex may implement drastic methods 

Perhaps a deposit, four dollars or five 

The world’s bad enough, all this stuff in the news 

No towels, we’ll never survive